Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A random and nonspecific story:

Once upon a time there was a girl named Shadie. Shadie had lemon disease, it was always making her tired and what not, it was pretty miserable. But had started a blog to help raise awareness as well as help other people with lemon disease know that someone out there knew how they felt as well. Shadie's blog was a success. She didn't want to look at it that way, she just saw it as helping others through her own crappy experiences. 

Then one day Shadie couldn't write anymore... not about the real stuff anyways. She was troubled. The bad monkeys had returned... Shadie had bad monkeys and good monkeys just like everyone else. But the bad monkeys were overtaking the good monkeys again, like they had about 9 months ago. The bad monkeys told her to do things that she did not want to do. She was scared! Why would her own monkeys want her to hurt herself?

Shadie was NOT going to give in! Instead she tried to pretend they weren't real... that only made the monkeys yell louder. Then she tried to train the bad monkeys to be good. But she didn't know how. she wasn't an expert monkey trainer! Eventually, she slowly gave into what the monkeys wanted. It was the only way she felt better anyways. Because from the monkeys screaming at her, and Shadie trying to act like everything was peachy, she was losing her connection with people again, just like before...

Shadie started walking around like she was in a dream state. Like she was displaced and was watching herself do everything. She became disconnected again, and not much would bring her back. But giving into the bad monkeys seemed to make things a little bit better. But she knew what she was doing was wrong. And she began to hate herself again for doing it. She was feeling guilty for listing to those bad monkeys.

Shadie had lost the desire to blog and share with others her struggles with lemon disease because she didn't feel like they were real anymore. Shadie felt fake. Which made her hate herself even more. Which made the monkeys start to win. The monkeys would minipulate the self hate Shadie had to try and get her to turn on herself.

So one day, but not any day recently or anything like that, Shadie's friend, (because this is a nonspecific, random story we will call her Leo, and not because she is a Leo or anything like that) Leo read an article Shadie was in the process of writing. Shadie had not been able to edit the article and send it back to publishing in over a month. She was preoccupied with the monkeys. The article was about how Shadie had learned to overcome trials by sharing her experiences with others. Leo read it and told her to publish it. Shadie said she would, but didn't really say when, she was good at being vague now. Then for some reason that Shadie couldn't figure out Leo asked Shadie how she was doing with her monkeys. Leo was one of the few that knew Shadie struggled with bad monkeys, but Leo didn't know how bad it was. But still even those that had some idea never asked. Nobody ever thought to ask "Hey, how's your monkeys?" Because people don't usually do that.

Shadie didn't want to tell Leo because she felt ashamed about the bad monkeys. But Leo somehow knew to straight up ask. And Shadie couldn't give her a half-crap vague answer. So she told Leo the truth about the monkeys. That they were telling her to do harmful things to herself that she didn't want to do, but that the had given in agin. Leo told her to tell other people that could help her. But Shadie didn't know how and was scared. Then Leo pointed out that Shadie was being a hypocrite by writing all this junk on her blog and for newspapers but not even living up to it herself. 

Shadie realized Leo was so freaking right! How could she tell people to stop pretending they were fine and get help, when she was doing the exact opposite! That is when Shadie also realized why she didn't want to blog, and why she was putting off publishing her article! Because deep deep down Shadie knew she wasn't taking her own advice! She knew but the bad monkeys were distracting her and she was using all of her energy to try and pretend that she didn't have any bad monkeys. 

By Leo telling Shadie that she was a hypocrite, it was like a slap in the face. But not the bad kind of slap, the good kind. The kind you see in the movies where someone is freaking out and then someone else slaps the person freaking out and tells them to essentially "get a grip" and then the Leo did for Shadie. And Shadie was so grateful for that. Leo had slapped Shadie in the face, in a good way.

Leo had ignited a spark inside Shadie. Shadie started to act instead of being acted upon by the monkeys, it was a slow process but Shadie slowly started to turn outward. Shadie is still going to try and work on getting the bad monkeys to go away. But it is like she is starting over again.

Only Shadie feels like it's harder the second round, maybe because she is more aware of what the monkeys are saying and telling her to do. She doesn't know exactly. But she is going to try and not be a hypocrite anymore.

This was a random, nonspecific story by:

-The Lyme Warrior